Adam and Eve had two sons, Ren and Stimpy.
Stimpy kept flocks, and Ren worked the soil. One day, they both brought an offering to God. God liked Stimpy’s gifts much more than Ren’s. This totally pissed Ren off and he turned his face away from God.
God then said to Ren, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right I will like you. But if you don’t then sin is crouching at your door; it desires you, but you must rule over it.”
A few days later Ren took Stimpy out into the field and crushed his skull. God then screamed out to Ren, “Where is your brother Stimpy?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
The Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground. 11 Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”
Ren said to the Lord, “My punishment is more than I can bear. Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I am now a criminal and anyone who sees me will try to kill me.”
But the Lord said to him, “Not so, anyone who kills Ren will suffer vengeance seven times over.” Then the Lord put a mark on Ren so that no one who found him would kill him. So Ren went out from the Lord’s presence and lived in the land of Nod, east of Eden.
The Art of Ben Riddlebarger 