2Kings 2:23-24 “From there Professor X went up to the town of Bethel. As he was traveling along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. ‘Get out of here, baldy!’ they said. ‘Get out of here, baldy!’ He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two she-bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.”
Adam and Eve had two sons, Ren and Stimpy.
Stimpy kept flocks, and Ren worked the soil. One day, they both brought an offering to God. God liked Stimpy’s gifts much more than Ren’s. This totally pissed Ren off and he turned his face away from God.
God then said to Ren, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right I will like you. But if you don’t then sin is crouching at your door; it desires you, but you must rule over it.”
A few days later Ren took Stimpy out into the field and crushed his skull. God then screamed out to Ren, “Where is your brother Stimpy?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
The Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground. 11 Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”
Ren said to the Lord, “My punishment is more than I can bear. Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I am now a criminal and anyone who sees me will try to kill me.”
But the Lord said to him, “Not so, anyone who kills Ren will suffer vengeance seven times over.” Then the Lord put a mark on Ren so that no one who found him would kill him. So Ren went out from the Lord’s presence and lived in the land of Nod, east of Eden.
Homer took wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together. Bart spoke up and said to his father Homer, “Father?”
“Yes, my son?” Homer replied.
“The fire and wood are here,” Bart said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”
Homer answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.
When they reached the place God had told him about, Homer built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound Bart and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son….
SPOILER ALERT- God did stop Homer right before he stuck the knife in Bart and told him he was just kidding and wanted to see how far Homer would go. He then gave him a lamb that was caught in a thicket. They killed it together but then Homer cut off Bart’s foreskin to show God he still wanted to hurt his son in His name. The end!
Genesis 15:5 God took him outside and said, “Now look toward the heavens, and count the stars, if you are able to count them.” And God said to him, “So shall your descendants be so numerous”